


Cultural Annals

by Esselle



Series: Starship Apex [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Space, Consentacles, Humor, Kinktober 2017, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 10:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12768876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esselle/pseuds/Esselle
Summary: ' "I can't believe—how is this even something you are fine with?" Kageyama asks Hinata, at a loss."Whyis it something you are contemplating?"Hinata shuffles his feet. He bites his lip and looks up at Kageyama. "It sounds kinda kinky?"Roughly four minutes later, Kageyama finds himself wondering how and why such a large portion of his job has become finding himself in naked, slippery situations with Hinata.'--Second Officer Kageyama and Second Second Officer Hinata make first contact with a curious alien species.





	Cultural Annals

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 2017 Kinktober #12: Tentacles

"So, let me get this straight," Second Officer Kageyama says, arms folded across his chest.

Behind him, Second Second Officer Hinata heroically clutches Kageyama's sleeve, scooting as close to him as he can get. They are standing in the middle of a room that appears to have no walls, ceiling, or floor—the space around them is brilliantly white, glowing. The only way Kageyama knows it's a room, and not an endless void, is that they came through a door to get inside. But as soon as the door closed, it blended seamlessly into the wall, leaving them in this odd space that makes him feel as though he is floating, despite feeling solid ground beneath his feet.

Their mission was to make first contact with the dominant sentient species on the planet, to see if a relationship between humankind and these aliens could be fostered. They are a strange, hivemind-like species, their thoughts and emotions all interconnected. Kageyama believes friendly communication to be possible, based on his first interactions. They haven't seen one of the aliens yet—apparently, physical movement is hard for them, and so everything on the planet is automated (or perhaps controlled telepathically—Kageyama isn't sure). But the aliens are intelligent, hospitable, and polite.

They are also very curious—and after providing the earthlings with food and refreshment, appear to have a few requests.

"You're asking us to have sex with each other?" Kageyama asks. Just to clarify.

**_Yes!_ **

The voice wobbles out from seemingly nowhere and everywhere. Kageyama knows it must be the voice of one of their hosts. It sounds very excited, or as excited as a species that is used to inflecting all of its meaning through thought can sound. Quickly, however, it backtracks.

**_That is only—of course—if you would be willing. I do not wish to impose! We merely are very interested in the mechanics of human coupling._ **

Kageyama massages his temples. He doesn't want to offend the aliens during their very first contact, but this type of request…

"Sure!" pipes up a voice from behind him. "We don't mind!"

Kageyama turns, slowly, to face Hinata. Hinata looks at him blankly.

"What?" he asks. "We _don't_ mind, right?"

Under his breath, Kageyama hisses, "Are you _stupid?_ Yes, of course we mind!"

"What?!" Hinata yelps. "Why?! We do it all the time!"

"Not in front of—" Kageyama looks around the room, and then hopelessly waves his hands in the air. "And we're on a _mission_ —"

"What about that time when we were sent to collect samples from that underwater forest—"

"That's _different,"_ Kageyama grits out.

"Or the time we were like, _bees,_ on that planet with the pollen and all the pink—"

"That was—unintentional!" Kageyama snaps. "Anyways, the point is—"

**_Our newest friends, please, we do not wish to sow discord—_ **

"No discord!" Hinata says, holding up his hands placatingly. He turns back to Kageyama. "Tobio, come onnnn."

"I can't believe—how is this even something you are fine with?" Kageyama asks him, at a loss. _"Why_ is it something you are contemplating?"

Hinata shuffles his feet. He bites his lip and looks up at Kageyama. "It sounds kinda kinky?"

Roughly four minutes later, Kageyama finds himself wondering how and why such a large portion of his job has become finding himself in naked, slippery situations with Hinata.

He only wonders briefly, because it's hard to think much about anything beyond how good it feels when Hinata deepthroats him.

**_Fascinating… the larger human has moved beyond the realm of verbal communication…_ **

Hinata pinches Kageyama's thigh and Kageyama jerks, his hips jumping. Hinata chokes good-naturedly. When he pulls off, his lips are pink and swollen.

"Kageyama, did you hear that?" he asks, grinning. "I've moved you beyond the realm of—"

"I'm going to taser you," Kageyama tells him. _Anyone_ would be unable to talk with their dick that far down Hinata's throat. It's not like he's the only one. "I'm ready, hurry up—"

Hinata has been making himself useful in more ways than one, fingering Kageyama while he sucked him off. The aliens had provided lube, a small container of it that had risen up next to them from the floor of the room. Hinata had been less than cautious about slathering it all over his fingers, and inside Kageyama's butt, but they're both still alive, so Kageyama figures it's fine.

"Jeez, Kageyama," Hinata says, "it's not fun if you're rushing me!" But he's still _quite_ eager, shoving off his own pants to reveal he's already hard. Even though everything happening is _weird,_ Kageyama still can't stop himself from licking his lips, hips wriggling. Hinata is… the stuff he does with Hinata is good.

Hinata crawls over top of him, grinning down in that stupid… attractive way that he has, the _I'm so excited we're fucking each other_ grin he gets whenever Kageyama gives in to his whims. Kageyama glares up at him, even as he reaches up to encircle Hinata with his arms.

He groans when Hinata pushes into him, clinging to him tighter. Initially, he had skittered around the idea of Hinata fucking him, because Hinata's ego inflates in tandem with his sex drive, and Kageyama had absolutely not wanted to deal with that. He'd had to cave, eventually, because Hinata turns out to be actually incredible at fucking him. Unfortunately.

Kageyama drags his fingers down Hinata's back, gasping every time Hinata drives his cock home. Being observed by an indeterminate amount of aliens does absolutely nothing to slow his building orgasm.

**_This is most unexpected. Even though one of the humans is clearly larger, he appears to be the receptacle for the other human's sexual apparatus. In this instance, the larger human fulfills the role of the "uke"._ **

Kageyama blinks. _What?_

**_Incredible! Even though the smaller one seemed more timid earlier. I do not want to make any radical claims, but it is possible our assumptions about the humans sexual functions were incorrect, or at least unclear…_ **

"W-wait," Kageyama pants, and Hinata stops, expression questioning. "No, not you—"

"Okay!" Hinata says happily, and resumes plowing him. Kageyama arches his back and swallows a moan.

"H-hang on—no, I'm still talking to _them,_ Hinata—w-what did you just say?"

**_Regarding what?_ **

"What did you call me?" Kageyama asks. He feels like he must have misheard, because there's no way… "You said I fulfill the role of…"

**_The uke!_ **

Kageyama screws up his face in confusion. "What?!"

**_It is true, is it not? You are the one being penetrated—I believe colloquially: receiving a dicking._ **

Hinata has noticed the conversation now. He sputters. "How—"

**_The small orange penetrates you—therefore, he is the "seme"._ **

"How do you even know—" Kageyama wheezes. "Okay, _no!_ No."

**_He is not the seme?_ **

"Yeah, I am!" Hinata huffs immediately. His face is pink with exertion.

"You _wish_ you were—" Kageyama growls.

 **_Are you_ ** **both** **_the seme?_ **

_"No one_ —" Kageyama starts to say forcefully, and then forces himself to calm down. Captain Oikawa's voice is like a siren in his head. _Do not yell at the aliens we are trying to befriend for the good of humanity._ "No one is the seme."

Long silence.

**_…Are you both the uke—_ **

"NO," Kageyama bellows. "No one is either of those things! They're not—where are you _getting_ this from? Why are you asking us this?!"

**_It is the topic of my research assignment on human behavioral habits! I am focusing primarily on the mating patterns of humans. I have gathered my knowledge from your most valuable cultural annals._ **

"Oh my gosh," Hinata says, both winded and excited. "Kageyama! They already knew about us!"

Kageyama experiences a profound and sinking feeling of dread. "What cultural annals are those?"

**_Your people's history! The hentai._ **

"They already knew about us because of porn!" Hinata says, sounding impossibly more delighted. "I need to say something more seme-like. Uhhh—"

"Don't." Kageyama attempts to head him off.

"Kageyama, you need to take responsibility," Hinata says, his voice falsely deep. "For being so _cute."_

"God _dammit,_ Hinata," Kageyama says, exhaling heavily through his nose. "Also, you're already _in_ me, so I _am_ taking responsibility. You suck at this. You suck at being a seme."

"I do _not_ —"

**_Humans, we have another request!_ **

Kageyama is not inclined to listen to the aliens' newest request, having just found out that he is little more than Figure A in somebody's book report. Hinata, of course, feels differently.

"What can we do to help?" he asks brightly. He circles his hips slowly inside of Kageyama at the same time, which effectively destroys Kageyama's ability to argue. Little shit.

**_We wish to engage with you in a more direct manner. But we understand it is important to acquire permission!_ **

Hinata looks down at Kageyama and wiggles his eyebrows. "Kinkier."

Kageyama sighs. "Sure. Why not?"

Of course, this is what leads to tentacles.

Kageyama doesn't know if they actually belong to the aliens. He doesn't know if they're possibly engineered to be pleasant to humans, or if it's just a fortunate happenstance. The point (the problem) is: it feels amazing.

"Ohhhh my god," Hinata moans. "Oh, god, that—that's really— _ahh—nnnh_ —"

One of the tentacles has slicked him up and entered him from behind. He's still inside Kageyama, but his thrusting has turned languid and slow as he rocks forward into Kageyama, then backwards to fuck himself on the thick, purple appendage.

Kageyama is again past words. Strictly speaking, this should _not_ be how this particular mission went—but, fuck, if he can't find it in himself to be upset about it anymore. He rolls his hips helplessly, sucks at one of the little tentacles that has curiously quested into his mouth—whatever secretion it oozes is faintly fruity and sweet. Another tentacle has found his cock and wrapped around it, squeezing and stroking in time with Hinata's thrusts. It tingles a little bit, a barely-there pulse that feels amazing on his tongue and the hot skin of his dick.

**_My research in this area has been more than adequate! It seems true that "consentacles" are, for humans, indeed quite pleasurable._ **

"Quite pleasurable" is putting it mildly. When Hinata comes, he can't hold back a cry—his fingers scrabble and then grip tight against Kageyama's hips as he fills him up, and Kageyama can't help but follow shortly after. It's an orgasm that shakes him to his very core, makes him just a little hazier than usual. Not quite hazy enough that he doesn't notice one of the tentacles discreetly scooping up some of the cum off his stomach to deposit into a conveniently appearing container of some sort.

But, he lets it slide. It was a good orgasm, after all. And they're trying to work _with_ the aliens, here.

The aliens give them time to collect themselves, and little bowls of water and towels (pre-heated… considerate) to clean and dry themselves with. Hinata is practically glowing afterwards, as they say their goodbyes. It won't be a permanent farewell—this has been, somehow, a successful liaison for earth.

They arrive back on the ship looking quite pleased with themselves and no worse for wear. Iwaizumi, the ship's first officer, is there to greet them.

"Ah, Kageyama, Hinata," he says, "status report?"

"The miss—" Kageyama begins, but Hinata sidesteps in front of him like an overexcited pigeon.

"The mission went well!" he says brightly. Kageyama puts a hand on his face and shoves him back out of the way.

"Quite—well," he says. "I'm sure we can proceed to further encounters with the planet natives. They were really… welcoming."

"Fantastic," Iwaizumi says. "I'll notify Oikawa."

"Understood," Kageyama says. "Although, uh—"

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow, but doesn't question him. Yet. "A full report by 0900 hours tomorrow would be great."

"Understood," Kageyama says again. They watch Iwaizumi make his way out of the rendezvous room.

"Are you gonna put it in your report that you're the uke, Kagyama?" Hinata asks.

Without blinking, Kageyama puts him in a headlock. "I'm going to put you in a trash compactor."

He has _got_ to figure out a way to keep Oikawa from seeing this report.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to check out more 2017 KageHina Kinktober stories, you can find them all in **[this collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/kagehinakinktober2017/profile)**. 
> 
> The 2016 collection is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kagehinakinktober2016/profile)! 
> 
> [I'm [@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


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